There are times when I am in a lot of pain that I am just lying in bed, wishing to disappear. Sometimes distraction helps. It has to be something that gets me out of my head, because my head is where it hurts. So sometimes soothing music helps. If it's not too bad, doing things like coloring or reading can help. I can't always do those. Sometimes I sleep. Sometimes I take medication to make me sleep. And sometimes I just lie there.
Oftentimes the thoughts that overcome me in these times are dark, lonely, and hopeless. It is so hard to get out of it. It becomes a mental battle just to drive some things out of my head. Sometimes having something else to focus on can help just a little. At some point in the last few years, I devised this little visualization exercise to give me something else to focus on sometimes. I don't always think of it. Sometimes it doesn't help. But it's one of the things I use to try to comfort myself, so I thought I'd share, just in case anyone else in a similar situation can find it helpful. Or maybe just writing it all out will be helpful to me. I don't know.
Here is the scenario: I am lying on a kind of bed, but it is low to the ground, kidney bean shaped, more like a nest or a pod than a bed. Maybe a cocoon. It is bluish white and made of soft fabric. It almost glows. And it is the perfect temperature. Sometimes I cover myself in a soft blanket, just enough. I'm in an empty room except for this nest. Lights are dim. Standing around the edge of the nest are beings that I think of as my protectors. They aren't really people. Just beings. They are dressed in white, but I never see their faces. All I know is that they are there to look over me while I rest and heal. They won't let anyone or anything come close to me that will hurt me in any way. They only look out for my best interest. I am safe, protected, warm. Beyond my protectors is a throng of people and they are all people that love me and care about me. This may seem presumptuous or cheesy, but in moments of severe pain, I need to remind myself that these people are there. They are there to surround me with love, nothing else. I look in their faces and I see people I know. My friends and family. My husband and children. There are also people I don't know, or don't recognize. Some of them are my ancestors that only wish me well. Some are people I have influenced that care about me but I don't know personally. They are all there. I look into each of their faces. I am known, understood, and loved beyond what I can understand.
They stand in silence and send me their thoughts of love and caring. Sometimes the protectors allow people to come stand at the edges of my pod and they hold my hand or touch my arm. Just to remind me they are there. There isn't anything they can do to help me. Nothing is needed. They just stay. Sometimes there is a ripple of negative energy in the throng of people standing by and there is something disruptive or contentious that happens. Conflict with any of these people. Anger. Blame. Frustration. Towards me or anyone else. The protectors know that now is not the time for me to deal with any of this and so they gently but firmly remove any of these people from my surroundings. Everything is done calmly and quietly. There is only peace. That is all that is allowed.
I cannot come to harm. I need only be still and wait. I soak in the love of those around me. They want me to be well. They understand that this is all I can do. They are there for me, just to be there. They want to be there.
And this is where I stay. In stillness and quiet. Calm. Peace. Cared for. Surrounded by love and caring. Sincerity. Safety. I sink softly into this feeling.
And sometimes this helps lift my brain out of the pain just a little. Sometimes.
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