Flashback Friday: Journals #18-27

(first, a note about the pics. I'm including photos at the request of my dear littlest sister. But my scanner is kaput so I am having to take pictures of the pictures which doesn't always work very well. And my old photos are just loose in a box so I basically just grab a few and see what I get, with no real purpose or thought. Just so you know.)

This first one is from about 1988 or 89 - around 8th grade-ish, I think.


This is Feb 1991 when my cute little niece Chelsea was born!! (10th grade)


Big parade at the end of the Gulf War, also in 1991. We can call this the "year of the headband" as you might notice I have a headband on in all 3 pics from this time period. And, I find it humorous that I am standing in the exact same stance in these last 2 photos. I must have stood that way a lot, I guess. hahaha.

Summer 1991 - after 10th grade

Anyway - this week's journal reading brought me through the end of 9th grade and into 11th grade. Here are a couple entries that make me laugh:

May 1990

"4:50 pm Good Afternoon, my love. Would you like to hear all the horrendous events of my day?

With all my positives and negatives, today turned out to be a -25.

1. jabbed my toothbrush into my bottom gum (-5)

2. missed the bus (-3)

3. had to go practice small ensemble (orchestra) (-1)

4. watched movie in German class (+1)

5. sang in gym class (+3)

6. watched movie in English class (+1)

7. small ensemble in orchestra (-2)

8. ___ and ____ stayed through lunch (-1)

9. oral report - bell rang - rushing - everyone waiting for me to finish (-10)

10. dissected a pig (-8)

So yes, some minorly good things happened but overall today was a crappy day."

August 1990

"I just can't get over the bracelet bit [a guy had given me a bracelet out of the blue] . . . So here are my options:

#1 Wear the bracelet

and here are the consequences (one, all, none, or many could occur)

a. He would notice and conclude that I was wearing it to express to him that I liked it a lot.

b. he would think I liked him a lot for giving it to me

c. he wouldn't notice

d. he would notice but not care

e. I would receive many comments such as "I see you're wearing his bracelet!" spoken with that "special" tone of voice by those who know the story

f. I would be complimented on my lovely bracelet.

Option #2 Not wear the bracelet

consequences:

a. he would notice and conclude that it meant nothing to me that he gave it to me

b. he'd think I just didn't like it

c. he'd think I didn't like him

d. he wouldn't notice

e. he would notice but not care

f. someone would "thinks to himself" that I should have worn it at least to be polite

So there you go. You may be wondering to yourself why the subject of whether or not to wear a bracelet is so terribly mind-wrenching to me and in answer to your question, I don't have an answer!"

So. My oh my. And if you happen to have been in any way involved or connected to this particular bracelet incident (as I have a feeling some of you may be), then please just laugh. Just laugh. And I know some of you may wonder what became of this dilemma and . . . did I wear the bracelet? And I can't even remember. Whatever the dreaded consequences may have been after all my agonized decision making, apparently it wasn't dramatic enough to write about. haha.

So, I was a silly girl who over-thought, over-analyzed, over-felt everything. And during this time, I think I let go of some great friendships in pursuits of some silly boys who really didn't care. Sigh. Could I have even done otherwise if someone had pointed out to me the folly of my ways? Somehow I doubt it. I could not have been other than I was. It will be difficult to watch my kids go through some of this stuff and sit back and allow them the freedom to make their own choices and learn from them. I guess the lesson I have learned the most in my recent reading is just that we all have our own story, we all make our way the best we can, and learn lessons we need to grow from. And while I often thought that home, family and marriage would be the "happily ever after" I yearned for, the story doesn't actually end. I am still struggling and striving and slipping just like I did then. And that's ok.

I'll just leave you with this quote that sums up this week's flashback:

"I am sixteen, going on seventeen,

I know that I'm naive

Fellows I meet

will tell me I'm sweet

and willingly, I believe."

(from The Sound of Music, of course, quoted in my lovely journal at age 16)

Too true, too true. :)

so we're not as young as we used to be

Last Saturday Zac and I had the chance to go to Lagoon Amusement Park all by ourselves. Without the children. Truly amazing. And although the title of this post sums up the experience in a lot of ways, it was still a whole lot of fun.

But let me back up.

First of all, sometime back in the spring when the Lagoon commercials were first coming on TV, I mentioned to Zac that I thought it would be really fun for us to go with just the 2 of us. Like on a date. We don't go out much. And the last time we've even been to Lagoon was when Elisabeth was a baby and I had to feed her and change diapers and we were stuck in KiddieLand the whole day. I'm not even sure when I'd last gone to an Amusement Park before that was. Probably when I was about 22.

Anyway. It sounded like fun. And I am in desperate need of some more fun in my life.

And then we walked in the March of Dimes March for Babies and they had raffles for all kinds of terrific prizes at the end. My mom happened to win 2 free day passes to Lagoon. And I kinda sorta begged and pleaded and almost cried for her to let us have those passes. Which she did. YAY!!!

And not only that, but she offered to watch our darling children for us so we could go by ourselves and not have to worry. So we set a day that would work for all of us.

And we went!! Yippeee!!! It was so much fun. I was determined to stay from opening to closing - but I have to admit that by about 9:30, after walking around in the heat all day, we were both pretty worn out. haha. And we got dizzier and had more stomach butterflies than I remember ever getting before. But we still rode almost everything and had a blast. And we also threw all caution to wind and ate all kinds of junk food, which I enjoyed immensely. :)

This sign cracked us up so I took a picture. Call me crazy, but those 4 inch spikes at the top of the fence seemed fairly sufficient deterrents to keep me from wanting to sit atop it. Maybe not?

We also went to a show called "Cirque Innosta presents: L'Orage" with this super bendy contortionist lady and other tricksy folks that were a lot of fun to watch.

And of course, ta-da! a hideous sweaty self-portrait taken towards the end of the day. :)

Anyway - we had a blast! I'm so happy we were able to do that. Thanks, mom!

(and finally, a tiny pic of our favorite ride, The Samurai, borrowed from the Lagoon website. Looks like fun, eh??) :)

(ps - pics from the kids' adventures that day coming soon. I wasn't with them, but I can still blog about it!)

super trooper

Yesterday Elisabeth had her surgery of getting her tonsils and adenoids removed for her sleep apnea. She was quite a trooper. Here she is in the waiting room, excited about her new Barbie and all the stickers the nurse gave her:

They gave her a quilt to take to surgery and then take home:

And a hospital buddy that she got to decorate and then the doll got matching bandages with hers (for the IV etc):

Thankfully, they put her to sleep before poking her and putting IV's or anything in. The anesthesiologist was "mildly concerned" about her heart defect (you may recall she was born with pulmonary valve stenosis) but it didn't cause any difficulty. So everything went pretty well.

And here she is post-op dripping popsicle down her face:

She didn't even cry when she woke up! And her oxygen levels were good so she was able to go home after a couple hrs. She only cried on the way home when we stopped to get some food and Zac and I got hamburgers and she couldn't have one. She got a shake - but that's not what she wanted, I guess. Anyway - we won't be able to tell if this has solved her apnea problems for a couple weeks, after the swelling has gone down and everything healed up. And then we will evaluate how we think she's doing and determine whether or not she needs to repeat the sleep study.

I did finally get a copy of her sleep study report and she did have episodes of both obstructive sleep apnea and central sleep apnea. So we'll see.

Anyway she just woke up crying again and wanting to be held, so I've gotta go . . . wish us luck.

Flashback Friday - up to journal #17

(no pics this time. Sorry Heather)

So this week's journal reading brought me through 8th and 9th grade. There were some very interesting times. Quite a lot of heartbreak - both from boyfriends and best girl friends. Some of it made for some tough reading. But here is a benign entry I feel like I can share.

Jan 1990

"I'm very tired. During the exam [school midterms], I kept getting so tired and certain questions of something would trigger a memory of like 4th grade or something - simple unrelated abstract memories. And I kept getting these overly familiar images from some of my past dreams and my mind would want to retreat into the dream and I'd have to literally command myself in my mind to come back here where I really was and concentrate on the exam. Needless to say, I was quite distracted. Not to mention the times my mind insisted on starting to reminisce over ____ [a certain boy, of course]. I hope I did ok on my exam. :)"

So, as I have been rereading all this stuff I have been trying to ask myself how I have changed, or what I can learn about myself from what I went through then. Sometimes it's hard to see. I am still so much the same, somewhat unfortunately, I guess. I still go through periods of depression where I feel worthless and alone (what I often referred to as "my certain state of mind" back then). I still long for closer friends and say things to people that I later regret. So I wonder sometimes what it means exactly to "grow up"? What does it mean to be responsible and mature anyway? I figure I must be different than I was then in at least some ways. Certainly, I am confident and secure in my marriage relationship in a way that I never really imagined and only dreamed about back then. I am so grateful for that. And I accomplished some very hard goals that I hesitantly set for myself during that time (college, mission). But in essence, deep down, am I still the same silly little girl? I don't know.

And in some ways I am equally afraid of being different as I am of being the same.

4th of July Weekend

We had a really great time spending time with family up at my mom's house over the long weekend.

- we checked out the "surf 'n swim" wave pool with Chelsea and her friend Brian (and used our free day passes that I won at the March for Babies)

- Isaac discovered a new game on his Aunt's iphone and is now addicted to Crazy Birds (he can't wait for the next chance to use their phones)

- figured out the color-swap option on mine and my brother's cameras - made for some fun photo experimentation

- brought up baby stuff to pass along to my brother and his wife who are excitedly expecting their first in Nov!! Wohoo!! :)

- ate a ton of good food

- did some fireworks in the street and then drove home, watching at least 5 cities' fireworks displays along the way

Then we relaxed the rest of the weekend (Elisabeth ran a fever for a day but then was better). All in all, it was a great weekend! Hope yours was, too. :)

4th of July Food!

Happy 4th of July everyone!

In celebration, I thought I would share a summer holiday family get-together favorite - potato salad! Yeah, I know potato salad is practically a staple that every potluck gatherer has long mastered. But, it is the only dish that is requested of me by my extended family. Every time we eat together. So, I figure I must have a good thing going. It may be the only exceptional thing I am known to make regularly. But ah well. At least I have one.

And here it is. What makes this exceptional, I believe, is that I took a tame Betty Crocker (or is it Better Homes and Gardens?) recipe and modified it slightly to taste more like the delicious potato salad that had me drooling the entire time I was in Germany. Sooooo good. Try it and tell me what you think:

6 potatoes, peeled or unpeeled, chopped in chunks, boiled until soft, and rinsed
3 hard-cooked eggs, roughly chopped

1/3 c chopped onion
1 c miracle whip (a little less than the original calls for)
1/4 c vinegar (this is much more than the original recipe)
2 tsp mustard (but actually I just give it a good squirt and stir it into the miracle whip mixture until it looks yellow enough - use your own judgement)
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1 kosher dill pickle, chopped into small-ish bits (my very own addition)
dill (another of my own alterations. I use typical dried dill weed - but I bet fresh dill would be mighty tasty. And I just shake some in at the end. My personal belief is you can never have too much dill - so go ahead and sprinkle fearlessly.)

And there you have it. Mix it all up, chill it in the fridge and you can give me all the credit for the absolute best potato salad you have ever had (or so says my family). hahaha.
Enjoy, and may all your summer celebrations be delicious . . . :)

Flashback Friday

This week's flashback-journal-reading brought me through 7th grade and this boy who was my very first kiss (I promise you I will not blog about each boy I kissed - heavens-to-betsy, noooooo). But this one - well, I don't think I've even talked to him since 7th grade. And he hasn't found me on Facebook, thank goodness (hahaha). So. And well, first kisses are somewhat momentous, in their own wonderful, horrible way - aren't they?

And since I won't be sharing my actual journal entries from this time period (hahaha, don't you wish), I thought you might appreciate a photo instead. He was a cute little skater-boy, no? A jerk, actually, but cute. ;) (at least I thought so)

And don't I look just all sweet and smitten? Yeah.

7th grade romance.

yikes . . .

(anyone else want to share about their first kiss??)