Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
what I'm listening to tonight
The nice thing about not having any particular "focus" to my blog is that I can post whatever I feel like whenever I feel like. haha. It just so happens that I got this CD from the library tonight and listening to this song on the way home, it seemed to fit my mood perfectly. So now I'm listening to it again. And again. I like it a lot. And . . . . I just felt like posting it for you to listen to, too.
(What?!? Me? Moody?! Never.)
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Expectancy and Expectation
I recently read The Shack," by William P. Young. I found it very interesting, even though it attempts to explain some things from a theological point of view that I don't necessarily agree with. One of the things that struck me as I read and continues to mull around in my wee little brain is the author's distinction between the terms "expectation" and "expectancy."
Here is how he explains it:
"Let's use the example of friendship and how removing the element of life from a noun can drastically alter a relationship. Mack, if you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our relationship. When we see each other or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking. That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else. But what happens if I change that 'expectancy' to an 'expectation' – spoken or unspoken? Suddenly, law has entered into our relationship. You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. Our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements. It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or the responsibilities of a good friend."
What strikes me first of all is how much I pull expectations into all my relationships. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. Is it? Manners, common courtesy, basic human interaction and moral conduct: it's all based somewhat on expectations. I smile at someone, I sort of expect them to smile back - and if they don't, I wonder why. I step on your foot, you expect me to say "excuse me" or "I'm sorry." I expect my children to act and behave in certain ways, or to be in the process of learning to do so. Respect, responsibility, kindness, I expect these things of them. I expect my husband to be responsive to my needs, at least to some degree, as he expects the same from me. I expect that my friends will not hurt or betray me.
Our expectations are based on our life experiences, and what we are taught, and our own emotional thermostat, how strongly we feel things, how sensitive we are. All of these things influence each other and play out together.
I have felt that the important thing most of the time is to be upfront and open about my expectations. Communicated clearly. Because we all sort of have unspoken expectations of people, don't we? And we speak of having "reasonable" or "realistic" expectations. The wife of our former prominant Church leader is even quoted as saying "the key to happiness (in marriage) is low expectations" (which I think was meant to be primarily humorous).
I guess my point is that it is very difficult to do away with all of our expectations. Is is even possible?!? Is it desirable?
This quote from the book above seems to make it seem so. And the way it is worded makes it seem that by introducing expectation into our relationships, we change it from a living, changing and miraculous thing into something dead and burdensome.
Expectancy, according to this quote as I understand it, is simply enjoying and anticipating the joy of the relationship. That sounds like what we all want, right?
"That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else."
So how is that done? How is that maintained? How do you balance expectancy with expectation? And can you have both in a relationship? Have you ever experienced a relationship of expectancy without expectation?
I recognize that not everyone will be struck with this dilemma in the same way that I am right now. But I would like to know what anyone else thinks about this. Am I just thinking too much about this? What do you think?!? Let's discuss.
Here is how he explains it:
"Let's use the example of friendship and how removing the element of life from a noun can drastically alter a relationship. Mack, if you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our relationship. When we see each other or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking. That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else. But what happens if I change that 'expectancy' to an 'expectation' – spoken or unspoken? Suddenly, law has entered into our relationship. You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. Our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements. It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or the responsibilities of a good friend."
What strikes me first of all is how much I pull expectations into all my relationships. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. Is it? Manners, common courtesy, basic human interaction and moral conduct: it's all based somewhat on expectations. I smile at someone, I sort of expect them to smile back - and if they don't, I wonder why. I step on your foot, you expect me to say "excuse me" or "I'm sorry." I expect my children to act and behave in certain ways, or to be in the process of learning to do so. Respect, responsibility, kindness, I expect these things of them. I expect my husband to be responsive to my needs, at least to some degree, as he expects the same from me. I expect that my friends will not hurt or betray me.
Our expectations are based on our life experiences, and what we are taught, and our own emotional thermostat, how strongly we feel things, how sensitive we are. All of these things influence each other and play out together.
I have felt that the important thing most of the time is to be upfront and open about my expectations. Communicated clearly. Because we all sort of have unspoken expectations of people, don't we? And we speak of having "reasonable" or "realistic" expectations. The wife of our former prominant Church leader is even quoted as saying "the key to happiness (in marriage) is low expectations" (which I think was meant to be primarily humorous).
I guess my point is that it is very difficult to do away with all of our expectations. Is is even possible?!? Is it desirable?
This quote from the book above seems to make it seem so. And the way it is worded makes it seem that by introducing expectation into our relationships, we change it from a living, changing and miraculous thing into something dead and burdensome.
Expectancy, according to this quote as I understand it, is simply enjoying and anticipating the joy of the relationship. That sounds like what we all want, right?
"That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else."
So how is that done? How is that maintained? How do you balance expectancy with expectation? And can you have both in a relationship? Have you ever experienced a relationship of expectancy without expectation?
I recognize that not everyone will be struck with this dilemma in the same way that I am right now. But I would like to know what anyone else thinks about this. Am I just thinking too much about this? What do you think?!? Let's discuss.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Flashback Friday
I've sort of had a long-term goal of rereading all the 50+ journals I've kept since I was about 10. I just have a twisted hope that doing this might help me gain some insight into myself, put things in perspective, and provide some laughs perhaps.
I've often browsed through pages here and there for fun, but haven't ever read them all straight through. So I thought summer might be a good time to get started. And I thought I might share some snippets here and there from what I've read recently. I do this somewhat reluctantly since there are some people reading this who may have been involved in some of the drama in my life at the time . . . yes, all the way back in 4th grade. But. I will do my best to keep identities concealed and only disclose information and journal entries that I think are humorous or insightful. My intent is not to embarass anyone (except myself) or to drag reluctant skeletons from anyone's closets (but my own). If you feel that you don't want to find yourself unwillingly quoted or mentioned, email me and I'll be more cautious. ;)
So.
Here's one from Feb 1988 when I was 13:
"Last time I wrote I liked R, right? Well, he's a total idiot. I have never met anyone meaner in my life, so I hate his guts at the moment but, right now I like this guy at church. I don't know his name, but I'm determined to find it out. He's really cute and only one year older than me and I think he likes me! So, I've almost got it made! But, not quite. Next week, I'll have more on that."
Um, yeah . . . not knowing his name just might be an indication that you don't quite "have it made" (whatever that was supposed to mean). haha.
And it makes me laugh how many entries from middle school revolve around this same theme "I used to like this boy, but now I like this boy, but he likes so-and-so, and so-and-so likes so-and-so" and on and on and on.
Has anyone else reread old journals? Found anything interesting or useful? Is it worth rereading or better left alone? Burned? Am I old enough now to revisit all this stuff without being mortified? Does that point ever really come? It's amazing sometimes how much it all still feels so much a part of me. So much just engrained deep inside me. Never forgotten. I guess that's part of my motivation. I want to dig it all up, look at it again, up close and personal, and make myself laugh at it.
Anyway. We'll see how long this lasts. :)
I've often browsed through pages here and there for fun, but haven't ever read them all straight through. So I thought summer might be a good time to get started. And I thought I might share some snippets here and there from what I've read recently. I do this somewhat reluctantly since there are some people reading this who may have been involved in some of the drama in my life at the time . . . yes, all the way back in 4th grade. But. I will do my best to keep identities concealed and only disclose information and journal entries that I think are humorous or insightful. My intent is not to embarass anyone (except myself) or to drag reluctant skeletons from anyone's closets (but my own). If you feel that you don't want to find yourself unwillingly quoted or mentioned, email me and I'll be more cautious. ;)
So.
Here's one from Feb 1988 when I was 13:
"Last time I wrote I liked R, right? Well, he's a total idiot. I have never met anyone meaner in my life, so I hate his guts at the moment but, right now I like this guy at church. I don't know his name, but I'm determined to find it out. He's really cute and only one year older than me and I think he likes me! So, I've almost got it made! But, not quite. Next week, I'll have more on that."
Um, yeah . . . not knowing his name just might be an indication that you don't quite "have it made" (whatever that was supposed to mean). haha.
And it makes me laugh how many entries from middle school revolve around this same theme "I used to like this boy, but now I like this boy, but he likes so-and-so, and so-and-so likes so-and-so" and on and on and on.
Has anyone else reread old journals? Found anything interesting or useful? Is it worth rereading or better left alone? Burned? Am I old enough now to revisit all this stuff without being mortified? Does that point ever really come? It's amazing sometimes how much it all still feels so much a part of me. So much just engrained deep inside me. Never forgotten. I guess that's part of my motivation. I want to dig it all up, look at it again, up close and personal, and make myself laugh at it.
Anyway. We'll see how long this lasts. :)
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
lazy days of summer
I looked out the back window this afternoon and caught Isaac in the act: doing nothing. Amazing.I sort of hate summer. The heat gives me headaches and my allergies go beserk. I feel sluggish and unmotivated and sleepy . . . all the time.
So. I need a plan to help me endure . . . things to look forward to . . . simple, fun things that don't take too much out of me but still keep the kids happy and busy (that may be a contradiction in itself). I'll be thinking about that . . . as soon as I wake my brain out of this hot sluggish slump it's in.
How's your summer going so far?
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Reading Round-Up - April and May 2010
I'm going to try something different this time for my reading round-up. I'm not quite sure what yet . . . . Let's see. . . I think I'll try writing the first few words/phrases that come to mind when I think of this book. No complete sentences. We'll see how this goes.
Here are April and May's Books:
1. Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life - Anne Lamott
funny, smart, write!
2. Stop Pretending: What Happened When My Big Sister Went Crazy - Sonya Sones
yikes, sanity is no joke, family
3. unChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks about Christianity and Why It Matters - David Kinnamon
inside and outside, perspective, showing others love
4. In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto - Michael Pollan
(to quote the book) "eat real food, mostly plants, not too much!" :)
5. Keys to the Demon Prison (Fablehaven, #5) - Brandon Mull
finale, fun, yay Fablehaven!
6. The Magic of Ordinary Days - Ann Howard Creel
friendship, marriage, sacrifice
7. The Goose Girl (The Books of Bayern, #1) - Shannon Hale
enjoyable, looking forward to reading more of the series, geese
8. An American Childhood - Annie Dillard
what if I wrote about my childhood, what would my story be, why is it so interesting to read about other people's lives?
9. The Only Alien on the Planet - Kristen Randle
adolescence, great read, her name is Kristen!
10. A Bright Red Scream: Self-Mutilation and the Language of Pain - Marilee Strong
not for the faint of heart, real, disturbing
11. Dear John - Nicholas Sparks
I think I'd rather watch the movie, decided I like chick flicks more than chick lit, read in a day
12. The Four Loves - C.S Lewis
who do you love, how to love, Love C.S. Lewis ;)
13. The Candy Shop War - Brandon Mull
fun, quick, passing along to the kids!
14. Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days - Kevin Leman
good ideas, sometimes overwhelming, I need to freeze time so I can work with each child individually without losing ground with the others. Ha.
15. Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet - Jamie Ford
one of the best I read this month, young love - is it real?, opportunities lost
16. The Help - Kathryn Stockett
eye-opening, well-written, excellant
17. The Elegance of the Hedgehog - Muriel Barbery
slightly pompous, enjoyable, made me smile somehow
18. The Mill on the Floss - George Eliot
long, terribly long, check it off the list :)
Hm. Well. That was interesting, eh?
And for the record, I've read 49 books so far this year!! I am thinking I might go for the 100-books-in-a-year goal, just for the fun of it. About halfway there, about halfway through the year . . . I think I might be able to swing it. 'ya think?!?
So, what have you been reading? Any thoughts on these? I've said before that I will read just about anything recommended to me, so don't be shy about making recommendations. I figure I read enough I can swallow about anything and still have time for whatever I want (as long as it's not nasty, you know).
And if you have any other thoughts, ideas, suggestions or kind criticism of my reading round-ups, please share those, too. Just be nice. Thanks a bunch! :)
Here are April and May's Books:
1. Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life - Anne Lamott
funny, smart, write!
2. Stop Pretending: What Happened When My Big Sister Went Crazy - Sonya Sones
yikes, sanity is no joke, family
3. unChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks about Christianity and Why It Matters - David Kinnamon
inside and outside, perspective, showing others love
4. In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto - Michael Pollan
(to quote the book) "eat real food, mostly plants, not too much!" :)
5. Keys to the Demon Prison (Fablehaven, #5) - Brandon Mull
finale, fun, yay Fablehaven!
6. The Magic of Ordinary Days - Ann Howard Creel
friendship, marriage, sacrifice
7. The Goose Girl (The Books of Bayern, #1) - Shannon Hale
enjoyable, looking forward to reading more of the series, geese
8. An American Childhood - Annie Dillard
what if I wrote about my childhood, what would my story be, why is it so interesting to read about other people's lives?
9. The Only Alien on the Planet - Kristen Randle
adolescence, great read, her name is Kristen!
10. A Bright Red Scream: Self-Mutilation and the Language of Pain - Marilee Strong
not for the faint of heart, real, disturbing
11. Dear John - Nicholas Sparks
I think I'd rather watch the movie, decided I like chick flicks more than chick lit, read in a day
12. The Four Loves - C.S Lewis
who do you love, how to love, Love C.S. Lewis ;)
13. The Candy Shop War - Brandon Mull
fun, quick, passing along to the kids!
14. Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days - Kevin Leman
good ideas, sometimes overwhelming, I need to freeze time so I can work with each child individually without losing ground with the others. Ha.
15. Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet - Jamie Ford
one of the best I read this month, young love - is it real?, opportunities lost
16. The Help - Kathryn Stockett
eye-opening, well-written, excellant
17. The Elegance of the Hedgehog - Muriel Barbery
slightly pompous, enjoyable, made me smile somehow
18. The Mill on the Floss - George Eliot
long, terribly long, check it off the list :)
Hm. Well. That was interesting, eh?
And for the record, I've read 49 books so far this year!! I am thinking I might go for the 100-books-in-a-year goal, just for the fun of it. About halfway there, about halfway through the year . . . I think I might be able to swing it. 'ya think?!?
So, what have you been reading? Any thoughts on these? I've said before that I will read just about anything recommended to me, so don't be shy about making recommendations. I figure I read enough I can swallow about anything and still have time for whatever I want (as long as it's not nasty, you know).
And if you have any other thoughts, ideas, suggestions or kind criticism of my reading round-ups, please share those, too. Just be nice. Thanks a bunch! :)
Monday, June 21, 2010
Three Cheers for Abigail!
Just a little Abigail update. The last week of school she had a small violin recital at her teacher's house. She played Bach's Minuet 1 (from the Suzuki Book 1) and a song she had composed herself called "Grown Ups Talk" (some of you may have heard her singing it before, she adapted it to her violin). :) And she did a really great job.
Also the last week of school, they had a school awards ceremony. Abigail achieved the National Fitness Award as part of the Presidential Fitness program for getting at least 85% (or something like that) in all the fitness areas. She also got an academic award for having at least a B average!! YAY!! We're so proud of her.
And this past weekend was her annual ballet recital. (These pics are in reverse order, but just deal with it) So this first one is her bow in the finale.
Each of her class was one of the four seasons and performed a solo on stage with some of the younger dancers accompanying them.
Abigail was beautiful "Mother Spring" and the little girls were her "flowers."
Here's her class pre-show :) summer, spring, winter and fall
She also had the opportunity of helping the 3-5 yr old "Creative Dance" class on stage. The cute little "Elmos" - hahaha. Anyway she did a great job of showing them what they were supposed to be doing and keeping most of them on the stage. ;)
Anyway - she's doing such a great job as a dancer and is such a wonderful performer! We're so proud of her in all the things she's doing. YAY for Abigail!!! :)
Also the last week of school, they had a school awards ceremony. Abigail achieved the National Fitness Award as part of the Presidential Fitness program for getting at least 85% (or something like that) in all the fitness areas. She also got an academic award for having at least a B average!! YAY!! We're so proud of her.
And this past weekend was her annual ballet recital. (These pics are in reverse order, but just deal with it) So this first one is her bow in the finale. 
Each of her class was one of the four seasons and performed a solo on stage with some of the younger dancers accompanying them.
Abigail was beautiful "Mother Spring" and the little girls were her "flowers."
Here's her class pre-show :) summer, spring, winter and fall
She also had the opportunity of helping the 3-5 yr old "Creative Dance" class on stage. The cute little "Elmos" - hahaha. Anyway she did a great job of showing them what they were supposed to be doing and keeping most of them on the stage. ;)
Anyway - she's doing such a great job as a dancer and is such a wonderful performer! We're so proud of her in all the things she's doing. YAY for Abigail!!! :)
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