Monday, September 14, 2009

another post I probably shouldn't write - but will anyway {reposting}

Time to vent. Ready?? On your mark . . . get set . . . go!

1. We bought Elisabeth her potty-training toy on Sat - and then she proceeded to have 4 accidents that day. After a week of no accidents at all. Of course.

2. Fall is always when I get the strongest longings to live elsewhere. Trees, trees, where art thou?!? I've been struggling again with these deep desires of my heart and balancing the whole "bloom where you're planted" idea. Balancing following your dreams with being content with what is. And then balancing the "me me me" and what I want, with the "what's really best for my family." Suggestions, anyone? Has anyone else struggled with these ideas?

3. My ankle still hurts. I thought it was getting considerably better. And I guess it is. If I don't move. I went shopping on Sat., walked around the store for about an hr. and my ankle ached badly the rest of the day. I am so discouraged by it. I feel like I haven't been able to really adjust and get into a good routine with the kids in school, because I can't exercise (which has been a vital part of my routine) and I can't do much housework either. I am floundering. And I hate it. And I decided I can't afford the $20 copay each time to continue going to physical therapy, so I cancelled my last appt. Frustrating.

4. We have a mouse problem. It's freaking me out. I shudder every time I brush against something soft on the floor. And it's repulsive to me that a mouse could have been scurrying across every surface in the house. SO DISGUSTING!!! It's making me jumpy and nauseous. We've set traps, but they don't seem to be working very well. And we've put out some poison, but the idea of a mouse crawling in some hole and dying there in my house is almost worse than the thought of live ones. We think the bunny and all it's tasty food and hay may have been contributing. And we sealed up some possible entrances into the basement. And then, I can't help but think that maybe if my house were a little cleaner, maybe we wouldn't be having this problem. Which grosses me out. And makes me feel guilty. And I want to go out and buy airtight containers for every single food item in my pantry (but I can't afford to do that). And we've been having a hard time getting to sleep at night because every little creak or bump makes us think there are mice out and about!!! ARGH!!! (I hope you all aren't totally disgusted by us now - I promise we are trying to take care of the problem. Anyone want to let us borrow a cat for a day or 2?)

5. Yesterday was a hard day at church. Samuel was being crazy. We chased him around the whole time and then they were doing practice for the Primary program, so they stayed in the chapel instead of going to the Primary room. This meant, of course, that Samuel would not stay by himself (because everything was different and chaotic). So I was just worn out to begin with. And then they were giving out the parts for the kids. Samuel's teacher was lining them up in the order of their parts (for the little kids they pass along a mike along the row and each of them say a little line). But they didn't give a part to Samuel. I asked his teacher, does Samuel have a part? And she said no . . . and asked if I wanted him to have one. Well, I knew that he would not talk into the mike to begin with, and no one would understand him even if he did . . . but I couldn't help but ask, is he the only one who doesn't have a part? And she said she didn't think so, she checked her list, and the only other kid who didn't have a part was one who never comes to church. And then I lost it completely. I had a complete breakdown. In the church. With Samuel's teacher, all the kids, and the other primary leaders probably looking on. It became impossible for me to compose myself so I took Samuel and left. I wanted to go outside, so as to not have anyone else see me, and I didn't have the car keys. But - it was windy outside, and Samuel freaked out, so I brought him back in and sat in the lobby. I don't really know what went on in the chapel after I left, but after a few minutes, the Primary secretary came out and said that they were going to have Samuel say a part together with another little boy in his class. But I was already too far gone to be able to recover, so I ended up interrupting Zac's nursery class to get the keys and I took Samuel home. I do understand why they wouldn't give him a part to say. Realistically, he probably would not be willing to do it anyhow. But I couldn't even say for sure what was upsetting me more. The fact that they had excluded him. Or the fact that I knew they had good reason to. It was just really really hard. That's all.

6. And Elisabeth has been really difficult ever since the kids started school. Huge screaming and shrieking temper tantrums. Aren't we done with this yet?!?? This morning Elisabeth went in Samuel's room and he yelled at her and she cried. Then a couple minutes later, Samuel was trying to come into Elisabeth's room, and she shut the door in his face, and he cried. There's been a lot of fighting and crying going on. And it seems both Zac and I are often at the end of our ropes. Neither of us have enough patience or energy to deal with it all. So we are unable to help and support each other or give each other a break, because both of us have already reached our breaking points. It's kind of a problem.

Anyway - so I had a kind of rough weekend. And remember the back to school seminar thing I mentioned before? Yeah, I can't do it. Wish I could. But it's just too overwhelming. Just so you know.

Alright, I'm done now. Thanks for listening.

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