Well, so somewhere around the beginning of Lent (even though I don't traditionally celebrate Lent), I decided to put up a Happy Things poster in my room and try to write something on it everyday. I started these on my mission. Just a visual reminder of things to be happy about, little simple things, things to be grateful for, small miracles, things that made me smile, anything really. Things specific to that day. And, even though I know it's really helpful for me to do this, it's been many many years since I've done one. But at this particular time, with this awful daily constant pain, and struggling with side effects of stupid medications, and feeling sleepy, worthless and depressed, I felt like I really needed to do it. And rather than just writing in a notebook or something, I need something very big, very visual and not easy to ignore. So this paper is about 24" by 24" and it's taped on the wall by my pillow. And I have a box of markers sitting near it on my dresser. Using markers helps. And I have no excuses for forgetting.
It's been good for me.
I posted this on my facebook, as many of you know, and I mentioned that I fuzzed out the particulars to protect my and others' privacy. But, since I was asked to maybe share some of my happy things, here are some of them:
- lemon bread
- visiting family
- my earplugs
- kind and thoughtful friends
- late night egg salad sandwich
- walking outside
- no cavities at the dentist
- someone's offer to help
- someone telling me they're praying for me
- finding what I was looking for at the store
- watching Abigail's track meet
- getting kids homework done
- Zac bringing home dinner, as a surprise
- prescription for Lortab
- new library books
I have written at least one thing every single day. I still cry a lot. I am still in pain. And I still struggle a lot. But it has reminded me that I have things to be happy about. Lots of things. Big things and little things. And maybe each day doesn't seem like much. But looking at my chart all filled up with little happy things seems huge to me right now. It gives me hope.
And that's a lot.