Sunday, January 12, 2014

keep me here

(I was writing on facebook that I was struggling but that I have a wonderful husband and kids and that sometimes they are all that keep me here and I was reminded of this poem I wrote in 2010, before any of this other pain stuff started. It was just when I was struggling with depression, as I have for many years.  And anyway, I just thought I'd share it. I don't often share my poetry but now is as good of time as any I suppose. I don't feel a lot of hope right now.  But time passes anyway. It just keeps going. Here's the poem.)

(Nov 13 2010)

keep me here

I am tethered
to the earth
by these strands tied to me
gratefully knotted
around my wrists
and knees
keeping me
from disappearing.

I am bound
to this life
by seeing your face
and knowing the pain
I could cause
if I were to go
and leave you

But I can feel the tug
and pull
and strain
as something else fights to
drag me away
I can feel the
strands digging into my
and wonder
how long they will hold

and sometimes I
I were not bound
and did not feel
the love
which holds me
So that I could go
and drift away
because sometimes,

you are all
that keeps me.


Ella said...

Wow. Thanks for sharing. I am always amazed at how you are able to write what you're feeling. I try so hard and wonder if I even get my point across. I've had severe depression and anxiety in the past, and I'm so grateful I don't have it as a daily struggle. I'm grateful for the empathy I have for others going through it. Your poem took me right back to those feelings I went through. But you put it perfectly, there is that connection to those you love that do hold you here. Thank goodness for loving families (even if they can drive you crazy sometimes ;).

Mom M. said...

Oh Kristen.... You have such a way with words! Your poem was beautifully written but made me very sad. Sad that you are suffering so much and sad that I don't know what to do to help you!!! I pray every day that the drs will be able to find something that will relieve you of your pain. I feel so bad that you have to suffer so much. I do hope that you will keep hanging on to the love that surrounds you even though you hurt so much. You have so many family members and friends who love you dearly. Remember that and hang onto it!! Love you!

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