Wednesday, December 2, 2009

confused once again

are you surprised? nah, don't be.

I am stuck once again in a circle of questions regarding diagnoses, labeling, whether to seek help, where to turn for help, what is helpful and what is not. I have been trying to talk to whomever I come in contact with who might have experience with this stuff, or might have an opinion, or advice or anything. And I am sometimes surprised, sometimes enlightened, sometimes baffled, sometimes relieved at their responses.

The reality is that it is a personal decision. It's a tough call. And I start to think about one child and what they might need, and then am distracted in my thoughts by wondering about a different child, and then come back to what I need to be doing differently in my life to better meet my children's needs, and then I end up confused, overwhelmed, and anxious. Getting nowhere.

For those who might be new to the sagas:

I have one child who most probably has inattentive-ADHD, one with speech issues and odd social quirks (and hand-flapping), one diagnosed with expressive language disorder, ADHD-combined type, and anxiety disorder, and one who at this point we are just defining as a "very difficult temperament."

Anyway - there were a lot of things I could write about. Different ideas and perspectives I have heard about recently.

But this morning I came across this quote that I did want to share:

There are two ways to study butterflies: chase them
with nets and inspect their dead bodies, or sit quietly
in a garden and watch them dance among the


And it just struck me.

That is exactly the quandary, isn't it? Because there are things to be learned from each type of study, aren't there? Is one really better than the other?

And I want to be able to sit quietly and just enjoy my children. I do. But I want someone to give me answers as well.

And these butterflies flit away so quickly and I just can't seem to grasp onto anything. I just don't know what to do.
I wish I knew what to do.


Anonymous said...

funny... this post showed up on facebook before it showed up on your blog! anyway, i'll post my comment here as well:

and.. one thing that continually strikes me is the juxtaposition of your childrens' difficulties with *your* personality and temperament ;)
some difficulties are of our own making, if not our own exacerbation. (please note: i am not at all trying to make light of your situation, only emphasizing that our reactions to situations can make all the difference in the world).

i realized at some point awhile back, during particularly difficult times with my kiddo (who i still believe could be diagnosed with some inattentive ADHD, but i chose not to pursue diagnosis) that no matter how opposing our personalities are, i could not divorce my kid! seems obvious, of course, but it was a very very frustrating time and not a pleasant acknowledgement. ;) however, it was a realization of how different we really and truly were.. that under other circumstances, most people would just throw in the towel. as a parent, we cannot throw in the towel. instead we have to try to see it as something other than a towel.. which reminds me of your quote about the butterflies..



Jennifer said...

I wish I knew all the answers as well. I think that we just keep doing our best and pray a lot. Sometimes we feel like it's not making any difference, but other times we have those moments of clarity. It's also about constant adaptation to each child and every situation. Be open and keep trying.

Alyssa said...

Yes, two different types of studying and true we cannot divorce our children or their behaviors. I guess it has come down to the basics for me. Are they okay, is the family okay and am I okay? Not that any of these are "okay" like as in "normal" or "like other people"-okay but, do things have to change to have some quality in life?--When these answers were NO and NO and NO and then yes...I had to push for info answers and help. Exhausting? Absolutely. Like J said above prayer, fasting, blessings of the priesthood used in combination with professional help and support from others in somewhat similar circumstances are the vehicles. More than anything else pace yourself and be good to yourself in small and simple ways, making time to help someone else in some small tiny way helps. I'm thinking about you and I know you can do's amazing the ways we are stretched and shaped (((painful sometimes)))

Robert, SLP said...

It sounds like you have your hands pretty full. Kudos to you for doing the hard work of getting the diagnoses and treatment, and for realizing the importance of critically examining the professional (and sometimes perhaps not-so-professional) advice you get.

Don't forget the importance of taking care of yourself as you walk this very demanding path. You will be most beneficial to your children when you yourself are rested and happy. Cheers and good luck!

Rob M said...

I think you just need some more chocolate. Do what I do, don't think about anything important until January 1st.

Rob M said...

It is actually me (julie) not rob.

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