Flashback Friday: Journals #28-36

Well, this week's reading brought me through 11th and 12th grade, and a little bit into college. But since college represented an entirely new chapter in my life, I'm going to save that for next week. :)

For now, let's just finish up high school, shall we?

For the record, it was during this time that I mostly stopped wearing make-up and started letting my hair grow long. Why that is, I can't really say. But there it is.

This was in 11th grade (91-92) :

Sometime in there:
1993 - I got this dress for my 18th birthday :):

And I fell asleep on the floor making a mix-tape for a boy my Senior year. My youngest sister Heather would sometimes like to lie on my back to nap. It was surprisingly comfortable, for both of us I guess.

:)

Speaking of tapes, a friend of mine made a mix-tape for me in 11th grade (yes, back in the days of cassette tapes) and she dedicated this song on it to me. So I guess we can just call it my 11th grade theme song. It kept running through my head as I read through these journals, so go ahead and listen while you read to get the feel of it.

The Girl With The Loneliest Eyes. According to my friend, that would've been me.

Judging from the majority of my entries of this time period, these years were apparently mostly spent feeling bored, lonely and tormented.

Some other common recurring themes I have noticed:

1. dreams - I wrote so much about my nighttime dreams that sometimes it is hard to differentiate between events that really happened and those that I only dreamt. But it is so interesting to see how different stresses and events played out in my dreams. I don't know if I recognized it at the time, but my subconscious seemed to be very busy sorting out all kinds of things in my sleep. It's sort of fascinating.

2. cleaning - I can't even count how many times I mentioned needing to clean my room. Or that I just cleaned the kitchen. Or however many other different variations on that theme. Just let it be known that no small detail of my life was too insignificant to put in my journal. hahaha. (and now you see how my blog has become an extension of that) ;)

3. boys - well, duh.

4. shaving my legs - I have no idea why, but for some reason writing in my journal seemed to often go hand in hand with observing the state of needing to shave. It was on my mind a lot, I guess. So funny.

5. Rain - And finally, I really really loved the rain. I would anticipate storms coming through, I would go out and sit in it, or walk through it, or sit in my window watching it. And I mentioned over and over again how cleansing and cathartic I felt like rainstorms were. I felt like I needed it and always felt so much better after it rained. Oh how I miss it . . .

And here is one excerpt for you (is anyone enjoying these?!?! I need some feedback . . . pleeeeease. . . )

March 1993

"So what was my point in writing this?

I was just overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts that I didn't know what to do with. It's like you are my junk drawer. I try to sort through things and organize and file away in my mind, hang up in the closet of my brain, and sometimes I am successful in tidying everything up and other times I take what's left over and shove it into the junk drawer. You know the one.

So you get to hear all the junk that doesn't belong anywhere else. No one could understand why this isn't read by anyone. It's just not suitable; inappropriate. Rated KG, Kristen's Guidance Suggested Before Viewing. As you can tell, I'm getting tired now.

In here, you find all the stuff that I know is really garbage but can't bring myself to throw away. All the thoughts I know I'll never need again but which remain in the comfort that I have them accessible should I ever frantically try to remember where I put them. I know where to look: the junk drawer."

I just hope someone else might be enjoying the tidbits I'm sharing of this little journey I've been taking through my junk drawer this summer. It's always an adventure to see what we'll find stashed in there. :)