Wednesday, September 8, 2010

a little lost

(by me - 1992)

I've been losing things lately.
Picked up this piece of
paper intending to write
it storms through my mind
in torrents of rain
thunderclouds obscure
the sunlight
and in my mind
darkness prevails.
I sit down
and minutes later it is gone
No thoughts to speak of
Even the word
is beautiful
yet beauty is lost
when lightning strikes.
I feel nothing.
I've been losing things lately.
I've been losing my thoughts lately.
I've been losing my mind.


I've lost my watch. Again. I only take off my watch in 2 places, really. So it frustrates me to no end when I cannot find it in either of those 2 places, which happens far too frequently.

One, I take it off when I am on the computer, which means that it should be either on the couch where I use the computer, in between the cushions on the couch, on the floor next to the couch, under the couch, or on the desk next to the couch. It's not.

And two, I take it off when I go to bed or take a nap. Which means it should be on the bed, on the floor next to the bed, under the bed, or on my dresser next to the bed. It's not.

And not having my watch leaves me feeling unsettled, out of sorts, like I'm missing things, forgetting things, not really where I should be or doing what I should be doing. Funny how a simple watch can ground me to reality.

Maybe a day of forgetting and losing things isn't all bad sometimes, though. If only I could free myself from needing it so badly . . .

But it's just how I seem to be lately (with or without my watch). Not really here nor there. Not really in the groove. My brain is out floating around . . . someplace else (I wonder where?!?).

School started. I have about 3, 4, maybe 5 backlogged blog posts crammed in my brain, waiting impatiently to be released. It's soccer season for 2 or 3 of the kids. One child was signed up and now refuses to participate (guess who??). I am also feeling very lost with Samuel's new school. I missed the back to school night, and I think I missed a lot. I had to call the office and request a student handbook, but I am still unsure of how school lunch accounts, homework, etc etc are handled there. And having the school 20 min away makes it difficult to just drop over and make sure of things. Like I didn't want to spend 40 min of travel time just to go over and find his lost lunch box last week, and it took a week for someone to help him find it. Gross.

Last week I forgot about a piano lesson (thank you to the teacher who called me 5 min after it started to get him there). This week I have forgotten about a ballet lesson, a soccer game, and a church meeting. In 2 days' time. Yikes. What else am I forgetting?? I do not know.

So anyway. If you see me, just gently tug a little on my brain strings and pull me back to earth, if you could please. I'd appreciate it.

And if you happen to find my watch lying around somewhere, just get it back to me as quick as you can. Thanks. :)


bonitinha said...

I feel the same way when I don't have a watch on! And I feel the same way swimming upstream at a new school. :( Good luck!

Jennifer said...

Ditto, I am crazy without my watch. I bet a kid moved it and doesn't remember they did, or want to admit it. Having someone else in the house that can move things leaves me feeling crazy a lot. You need a smartphone with a calender on it that reminds you of all your appts.:)

Colleen said...

Brain strings, I like it. :)

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