ghosts of birthdays past

(NOTE: I wrote this a couple days ago but was afraid to post it. I've decided to post it anyhow - and hope none of this comes back to bite me. Names omitted to protect everyone involved. And I do hope everyone involved forgives me for being a typical self-absorbed teenage girl. Really, I cringe. But this is all in the name of laughing at flashback reminiscing - right?? Right.)

Well . . . this idea of a flashback party has had me thinking back quite a bit, for better or for worse. And I did some digging through some old boxes of mine, yearbooks, journals, pictures, notes, dried flowers and other such teenage memorabilia (ohhh, brother).


Just for fun, I thought I would share an excerpt from one of my journal entries January 1991. It's rather humorous. And I am disconnecting myself from this poor young girl writing and sharing this from my perspective 20 yrs later and the opinion that I am no longer really this girl at all. Right.

And if you knew me then, try not to read too much into this stuff and try not to remember me from back then. Just enjoy it as some strange character written in a young adult fiction novel. Really. Try it.

Here goes:


"Anyways, I've been sitting here thinking a lot about my birthday (In ONE DAY! I might add). I remember in eighth grade I made up all those neat little fantasies about what I wanted to happen and I ended up crying half the day then spending time and having fun with ____. And then last year, I was with ____ and _____ (mostly ____). But this year is my 16th birthday! Whoa. Something exciting is supposed to happen. I'm supposed to have a party - or do something big - or something, anything.


But I haven't written ____ since our horrid conversation and everytime I think of _____, I feel twisted and uncertain inside. I don't want to have a "party" cuz then it seems that ___ would have to be invited - he truly is a good friend, but, in all honesty, I would not want him there if ____ were going to be there. But would ____ even be there? Would he want to?
. . . . .

Anyways, I suppose my greatest hope has been that someone will throw me a surprise party but what are the chances of that happening? Shall I say, practically non-existent? I think I've wished for that to happen every year but this year I've wanted it the most. Maybe it doesn't happen just because I want it to so much. Maybe you have to make the best things happen for yourself.

Everyone I can think of has had some sort of get-together for their 16th birthday. ____ had her big thing at my house (which I disliked muchly). ____ had a little group of us and we ended up going ____ and seeing _____. _____ had a party at _____. And I am doing NUTTIN'!
--------------------------------------------- THE END


Well, and it did turn out that most of my closest friends forgot my birthday that year, after all. It was sort of awful. Oh well. Yes, woe is me. Pitiful, isn't it.

But - my favorite line from this entry is as follows:

"Maybe you have to make the best things happen for yourself."

And that, my friends, is why I find myself nearly 20 yrs later, throwing myself a party. Better late than never. :)

POSTSCRIPT: The party last night was awesome. I will blog about it later. Although I guess I will have to think about what to censure so no one hates me for revealing anything. Hahaha!!! :)
Good times, good times.
More later, to be sure. . . . Have a Happy Saturday!