So, Abigail came home from her ballet class last night and very proudly produced this note for us to read:We have known this day has been coming - and soon. It has been indeed a "much anticipated day." I am so excited for her to get her first pointe shoes. So excited that she has come this far. Zac and I have often discussed how far we would want her to continue in ballet - and we knew that she may not be able to continue as far as she'd like just because of the extreme time and cost commitment it requires. It just becomes too much when there are 3 more kids tagging behind that want to do their own activities and pursue their own hobbies. At some point, we have to kind of "level the playing field" and give each child a chance to have some reasonable outlets. Our resources would not support a budding ballerina, unfortunately. And we have known this from the start. But I thought it would be nice for Abigail to take dance for at least as long as I did, which was until about 6th grade. Of course, I was forced to quit for reasons also out of my control - and I always regretted it.
But dancing has also always been a source of joy and an important part of who I am, even if only dancing around my bedroom or imagining choreography in my head. I started on pointe when I was 10 and have always kept my toe shoes. Abigail recently asked me to dig them out so she could try them on (and we laughed because her feet are bigger than mine were at her age - I guess that means she's going to be taller than me! Lucky girl). And I took ballet, folk dance and social dance in college and have taken some adult ballet classes in recent years. Even though my body betrays me in so many ways, it is still so much fun.
Anyway - so now comes the dilemma. Zac took a paycut Jan 1st and we had already decided that Abigail would have to drop ballet after her spring recital. We are struggling to keep her in that long, but she has been so looking forward to the solo she is going to have, I really didn't want to take that from her. And now. She will be just getting pointe shoes right before she has to quit. So. Do we spend the $100 for the toe shoes that she will only be able to use for probably a couple months anyhow? A little ache somewhere deep in my heart says 'yes'. But man oh man, our budget really pushes to say 'no way, jose.' And I feel bad for "making her quit." I am sad that she won't be able to continue something she loves and enjoys. But I guess we just can't do what we cannot do.
So, not only will she not be able to live out my own dreams vicariously, I am repeating the cycle of dashing her own dreams.
I hope she'll forgive me one day, as I had to, too - but also that she will continue to be blessed by the years she learned to dance, as I have been.